


The Experiment

by A_Eelif



Category: Bleach
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-27
Updated: 2012-12-27
Packaged: 2017-11-22 14:19:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/610747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Eelif/pseuds/A_Eelif
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Toshiro is tired of being treated like a kid. See what happens during lunch break of a Captain/Lieutenant meeting. This is a request fic for pinksugarrush. Rated M for dirty talking. Mentions of yaoi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Experiment

I do not own Bleach, the characters, or the settings.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
It was that time again in Seireitei…time for the new graduates of Soul Reaper Academy to join their new squad whichever one that might be. This also means that all the Captains and Lieutenants of the Gotei Thirteen have to have their annual 'Do's and Don'ts' seminar with the Head Captain.

All participants of the seminar hated every minute of it, but the Head Captain insists they all attend even though they all know the rules. Head Captain Yamamoto didn't want them to be able to use the excuse of 'I didn't know' if something went wrong with the new recruits.

After sitting in a boring meeting all morning the Head Captain finally allows the participants a one hour lunch break. When the word lunch is mentioned Lieutenant Omaeda jumps up and quickly leaves the meeting room proclaiming that he's starving. Captain Soi Fon blushes a deep red and apologizes for her Lieutenant's rude behavior.

Soon everyone finds themselves outside eating their lunch in the sunshine. Most of the Captains sit with their respective Lieutenants during lunch, but the three Captainless Lieutenants sit together and Jushiro Ukitake sits with Shunsui Kyoraku and Lieutenant Nanao Ise.

The lunch break is fairly quiet with the sounds of low volume chatter heard among the groups. That is, it was quiet until the eighth Captain addresses his white haired best friend with a proposition loud enough for everyone to hear, "Hey, Ju? If you'll hurry up and gulp that food down with a whole hour break we might still have time to do something more interesting before the meeting starts back. You know what I mean?"

The thirteenth Captain chokes on his food and begins violently coughing making Nanao pat him on the back as she glares at her boisterous Captain, "Captain Ukitake as well as everyone else here knows what you meant, Captain Kyoraku. You weren't exactly quiet."

The pink clad shinigami looks around at all the faces turned in his and Jushiro's direction, "Huh, I didn't realize I was being so loud, but they know about us anyway. Right, Ju?"

The white haired man doesn't answer due to his still not having caught his breath, but Rangiku Matsumoto scoots closer to the eighth Captain with a large smile on her face, "Oh, of course we all know about it, but perhaps you wouldn't mind talking about it some more…in detail."

"Matsumoto!" She turns her attention to her own fuming Captain when she hears him yell her name, "That is not your business and just what is so appealing about it that you need details?"

Almost every female present turns in the tenth Captain's direction as Captain Unohana answers the question for the whole SWA, "Well, almost everything about it requires details because the whole situation is appealing."

Captain Ukitake coughs harder as more attention is being turned his and Shunsui's way. He finally clears his throat enough to croak out a plea, "Don't, Shunsui. This is not the time and place to discuss out bedroom affairs."

Captain Zaraki rolls his eyes and nods in agreement, "That's for sure."

Most of the other Captains and Lieutenants have already lost interest in the topic of the two male Captains having sex, but the diminutive Captain of the Tenth Squad continues to observe the two older men, "May I ask the two of you a question?"

Shunsui's face beams happily at the young shinigami's interest, "Sure thing, kid. Whataya wanna ask?"

Jushiro and Nanao cast the bearded Captain looks that tell him to let the subject drop, but he ignores them as Toshiro begins his question, "What made the two of you decide to become homosexuals?"

The thirteenth Captain takes a bite of his food at the wrong time and chokes again at Toshiro's question causing him to cough uncontrollably again.

Rangiku blushes and grabs her Captain's wrist making him face her, "Captain, you can't ask that!"

"I don't see why not? It's a legitimate question."

The two members of Squad Ten turn their attention back to Shunsui when they hear him laughing loudly, "It's fine. He's allowed to ask questions."

Jushiro's green eyes shoot a warning at his lover, "Shunsui, I am begging you not to tell anything personal, please."

"Yeah, yeah." He waves a hairy hand in front of Jushiro's face dismissing his concerns. He finally begins the task of answering Toshiro's question, "I didn't always just go at it with Ju here. I used to be a ladies man, but I tell ya just one night with him and that tongue of his changed me for good."

Captain Ukitake's face turns bright scarlet, "Shunsui, please!"

"It's fine, Ju. You give good blow jobs…I meant it as a compliment."

Jushiro buries his face in his hands, Nanao's mouth drops open, and Rangiku's nose begins to leak blood, but Captain Hitsugaya acts as if he isn't fazed, "Is that the only reason why you became a homosexual?"

"Oh, no…not at all, kid." His eyes brighten as he thinks back on his and Captain Ukitake's first time together, "The sex was amazing."

Toshiro's white eyebrows come together in question, "But, doesn't sex feel pleasurable with women too?"

Before the eighth Captain can answer he notices that all the members of the SWA minus Yachiru (she was too engrossed in her lunch to care) were all gathered around taking notes. Jushiro finally just stops begging and hides his red face in his arms, but the unembarrassable Shunsui just continues talking, "Of course it feels amazing with women too."

"Then what made you want to have sexual relations with Captain Ukitake? Couldn't you just continue to have sex with women?"

The brown haired Soul Reaper thinks about this for a moment, but eventually looks at Toshiro with a smile on his face, "Yeah, I could have, but I'll let you in on something…doing it with a guy feels so much tighter than with a girl."

Toshiro nods and a few members of the SWA pass out on the spot as Captain Ukitake lets out a defeated whimper. The tenth Captain completely forgets his lunch as he thinks of another question, "And, what about Captain Ukitake? Has he always been homosexual or were you his turning point as well?"

"Oh no, Ju had his fun with the ladies at the Academy, but I'm not sure what it was about me that made him change his mind." Shunsui jabs his friend in the ribs with his elbow making the white haired man reveal his blushing face once more, "What made ya wanna have sex with me, Ju?"

"I do not want to discuss this, Shunsui! And, if you ever want to have sex again then you will shut-up!"

The bearded Captain doesn't seem to notice the furious expression on his lover's face as he turns back to his audience, "He's just a little shy, but his reasons can be a story for another day." He directs his full attention back to Toshiro, "Anything else, kid?"

Rangiku quickly pulls her Captain close to her by his lapel as she whispers in his ear. The tenth Captain nods, "I'm curious about that myself, Matsumoto." He looks at Shunsui again before asking his Lieutenant's question, "How did you decide who would be…" He looks at Rangiku again, "What word was that again, Matsumoto?"

She smiles, "Seme, Captain."

"That's it…how did you decide who would be the seme?"

The members of the SWA wait with baited breath for the answer, but Kenpachi lets out an aggravated sigh as he gathers Yachiru's empty lunch boxes, "Yachiru, go to the bathroom."

She gives her adoptive father a confused look, "But, I don't have to pee yet, Kenny."

"Yes, you do! Now, don't argue!" He picks her up off the ground by the back of her uniform and when her feet touch the ground again he shoves her toward the bathroom.

With the youngest Lieutenant gone to the bathroom, Shunsui proceeds to answer the latest question, "Hm, well…Ju and I were making out and we were already naked then he said 'I just want you inside me' so that's what I did."

Finally, the thirteenth Captain grabs Shunsui up by his lapel and looks straight into his grey eyes, "That is private, Shunsui! Our fellow shinigami don't need to know everything I say in the heat of the moment!"

The pink clad man manages to loosen Jushiro's fingers from his clothes and tries to calm his friend down, "You're being too sensitive, Ju. Don'tcha want the kid to be educated? Just look at his little, cute, innocent face."

Captain Ukitake swallows back the nauseous feeling rising in the back of his throat and looks at Toshiro's young face, "Fine, but keep the personal details to a minimum."

Once the lover's work out their quarrel, Toshiro asks another question, "Are you always the seme?"

The eighth Captain nods, "Yep, every single time."

Before the young Captain can ask his next question, Byakuya clears his throat making everyone look in his direction, "It does not always have to be that way. It is very enjoyable to switch roles from time-to-time."

Renji's face becomes the same shade of crimson as his hair at his Captain's input on the conversation, "Captain! You don't havta get involved in this!"

"Abarai, there is nothing to be embarrassed about. Our relationship can help this young man understand that all couples are not just between a man and a woman."

The SWA members almost break their wrists trying to write down all the juicy information they're receiving during their lunch break as Renji all but dies from embarrassment. Captain Kurotsuchi leans over to his daughter and whispers in her ear, "Nemu, are you getting all this information? It will save me a lot of time when that gay cousin of mine comes to visit. Now, I won't have to waste time researching things to discuss with him."

Nemu nods as she continues writing, "Yes, Master Mayuri."

Toshiro crosses his arms over his chest, "I'm having a bit of difficulty in understanding the need to want to be the…what is that word, Matsumoto?"

"Uke, sir." She smiles widely at all the information she's getting to hear.

He nods, "Thank you, Matsumoto. Why would anyone want to be the uke?" He lets out a sigh, "It seems as if it would be rather painful."

Byakuya opens his mouth to respond to the question, but his answer is cut off by the sound of Izuru Kira's voice, "I like being on the bottom."

Shuhei Hisagi's eyes widen as his mouth drops open spilling his rice onto his clothes, "Izuru! That's private!"

"Well, everyone else was talking about it." The blond man picks at his lunch trying not to look at Shuhei, "I didn't mean to embarrass you."

The members of the SWA that are still conscious continue to write furiously with one hand as they cover their bleeding noses with the other. Jushiro finally decides to join the conversation considering it seems as if it will never end, "It really doesn't hurt as bad as it's made out to be. If it did then no one would let it be done to them."

Byakuya nods in agreement as Renji covers his tattooed face with his hands, "It is actually a pleasurable position to be in. Wouldn't you agree, Abarai?"

"I have to go to the bathroom!" The blushing redhead excuses himself to the bathroom just to escape the madness of the lunch break.

Byakuya frowns as he stands up, "Excuse me, but somehow I seem to have upset my Lieutenant." He then heads in the direction Renji rushed off to.

With Byakuya's departure a few SWA members groan in disappointment, but the tenth Captain still looks confused. He turns his attention to Captain Ukitake, "But it has to hurt somewhat, correct?"

A slight pink tint dusts over Jushiro's pale cheeks as he answers the question, "It can be a bit…painful, but there are steps to take to make it all more pleasure."

"What kind of steps?" The young tenth Captain looks back and forth between Shunsui and Jushiro waiting for an answer.

During the wait, Yachiru bounds from the bathroom back towards the lunch area. Kenpachi yells across the area to stop her, "Go back and wash your hands!"

"But, I already did, Kenny!" She continues jumping and skipping her way to the eleventh Captain.

"Wash 'em again, Chiru!"

She stops her skipping and rolls her eyes, "But, Kenny…there's some strange moaning coming from the men's bathroom!"

Captain Zaraki face palms as several SWA members almost run the pink haired Lieutenant over running to the men's bathroom. The eleventh Captain finally just decides to distract his tiny second seat by playing with her until either the boring meeting started again or the raunchy sex talk ended.

Once all the bathroom commotion settles down, Shunsui decides to tackle Toshiro's next question, "Well, first you have to get something slick like oil, lotion, or saliva or something since guys don't have any kind of natural lubrication and you put it on your fingers."

Rangiku makes a squeaking sound as she begins drooling at not being able to believe she's actually getting to hear this. Toshiro gives her an annoyed look, "Matsumoto, control yourself and be quiet."

She nods and covers her mouth with her hands as Captain Kyoraku continues his explanation, "Anyway, you havta put your fingers inside first to kinda stretch everything before you add something…bigger."

Captain Hitsugaya scratches his chin as a curious expression appears on his face, "Hm, interesting…and that isn't awkward at all…putting your finger in 'there'?"

Once again, before anyone else can respond the blond third Lieutenant speaks up, "Nothing is awkward by that point."

"Izuru, please!" The ninth Lieutenant runs a hand through his dark hair, "Just be quiet unless you want our relationship to be one of the articles in the SWA's next publishing."

Izuru nods as he lowers his blue eyes to his knees, but those who are still paying attention turn to look at Rangiku as she begins speaking to her own Captain, "It's really not as awkward as it sounds. You know, sometimes guys even put their fingers inside of a woman…it just happens."

The white haired tenth Captain nods, but asks his next question at the two older men who began the whole conversation, "All that makes sense, but fingers are one thing and (clears throat) penises are another all together. I still find it hard to believe that the actual intercourse isn't painful."

Shunsui turns his grey eyes to his lover, "I think that maybe you should take this question, Ju?"

"I suppose so." The thirteenth Captain takes in a deep breath before attempting to make the young Captain understand, "It's not so much painful as it's more uncomfortable. Once the whole thing is…in there the hard part is over and there's this certain spot on the inside that feels really great if it's…stimulated."

Most of the SWA members have long since passed out from blood loss, but a few hardcore members are still keeping notes on all the juicy, gay details of their fellow shinigami. Most of the straight male Captains and Lieutenants are just wishing all the alternate lifestyle talk would end.

When Toshiro doesn't respond, Shunsui looks at his youthful face and smiles, "Does that clear something's up for ya, kid?"

The short Captain's innocent, child-like facial expression suddenly changes to a look of pleased discovery, "As a matter of fact, I've had a lot of things cleared up for me." He stands up and dusts his pants off, "I've learned that all of you still think I'm a little boy. In case, all of you 'grown ups' didn't already realize it then I'll let you in on a secret…I'm a genius. I'm the youngest Captain for a reason and not because I'm such a cute, little boy." He crosses his arms over his chest and smirks at the shocked looks on his fellow Captain's faces, "I know that men don't have any natural lubrication and I also know the anatomy of men and women from a little thing called Human Anatomy classes and I don't need to be told that you can't just put a penis inside a man or a woman without some foreplay…yes, I said foreplay…I know what it means. I also know that the spot inside a man is a gland and it's called a prostate." He lets out a satisfied sigh, "I'm not an idiot and I'm a grown man. I hope this little experiment of mine has taught you all a lesson."

He begins walking back toward the meeting room, but turns back to face them with one more fact, "And, I know what sex is like considering I lost my virginity to a woman three years ago."

Rangiku lets out a loud gasp, "But, Captain…that can't be possible!"

"And, why is that, Matsumoto?" Toshiro waits patiently for her answer as everyone else continues to stare in shock.

"Because, I didn't know anything about it." Her mouth turns into a pout at him actually keeping something so fascinating from her.

Captain Hitsugaya lets out a chuckle, "There's a lot you don't know, Matsumoto." The diminutive Captain leaves the rest of the group to take his seat in the meeting room.

Captain Ukitake is pulled from his shock by the sound of sniffling. He turns to see Rangiku crying, "Lieutenant Matsumoto, what's the matter?"

She wipes her eyes and sniffles a bit more before answering, "My little Captain is growing up so fast!"

The thirteenth Captain's green eyes widen, "You're right! Who am I going to give all that candy to?!"

Before anyone can console the two upset Soul Reapers, Captain Komamura stands up, "I believe our lunch break is over." The expression on his wolfish face is a bittersweet one. The seventh Captain really didn't want to go back to the boring meeting, but he was glad he didn't have to hear anymore sex talk.

Kenpachi stands up as well bringing Yachiru with him, "Thank the gods…come on, Yachiru at least meetings are safe for young ears."

The 'Do's and Don'ts' meeting finally resumes with two empty seats belonging to Squad Six's Captain and Lieutenant. The Head Captain questions their absence, but no one has an answer…at least not one they want to share with the Head Captain. The meeting continues without them.

That is, it continues until ten minutes later when the two missing men appear in the doorway looking very disheveled. No one mentions their late arrival as they take their seats, but Yachiru looks at the two Squad Six men and then back at Kenpachi as she exclaims her question loudly, "Hey, Kenny? Were they the ones moaning in the men's bathroom?!"

The large eleventh Captain buries his face in his hands as he lets out a defeated sigh, "I never thought raising a kid would be this hard."

The busty Lieutenant of Squad Ten nudges Kenpachi in the side as she shakes her head, "Tell me about it." Toshiro gives her a glare and she quickly pretends to be paying attention to the meeting.

As Head Captain Yamamoto continues the meeting he begins realizing that it isn't the new recruits he needs to worry about.

The End.

Started: 8/17/2012

Finished: 8/22/2012


End file.
